我。。。

终于，什么都解决了
唯一不能解决的 就是
我和他的友情从此就这样疏远了
我需要接受事实
但 会需要多久呢？
=(

值得吗？

一直以来  我都知道他的自尊心很强
所以  我并不想去伤害她
他的独来独往  让我想去在乎他  不想让她有孤独的时候
所以 我都不会拒绝她所给的要求  我都会尽我能力做到最好
我不敢告诉她的独来独往让我有多大的感触  因为我自己曾经体验过  并不好受
我不想让她觉得我是在可怜她  因为我不是  也因此这样  我才没告诉她
我只想纯粹的想让她知道  我的付出  是不求任何回报  只是想让她知道我是用真心来对待她这位好朋友 让她觉得世界上是还有我在关心她  在乎她  而不是每次都是自己一个人做任何事情
人难免会有孤单的时候  但是  有些时候是可以避免的
有时  我还真希望有第三者来告诉她我的心声
因为我不能直接告诉她  事情或许会变得更糟
我真的希望有一天他会明白我对她的用心
我做错了事情  虽然道歉弥补不了什么
但是  我还是永远都等着那一份希望
希望有一天会得到她的谅解
告诉我  当初她只是一时之气  才会像现在这样对我  不再像以前一样关心我  在乎我
但是这一天几时回到来呢？
你我都预测不到
为了这件事  整整落了三天的泪  但我对她绝对不会有非分之想

或许朋友们都觉得我很厌烦了  我唯有写blog  才不会听到任何的反驳
没有她的日子  我知道我会习惯  但是我并不想  我觉得很不值得放弃了所有的希望
也曾经  我以前的一位好朋友  对我的忽冷忽热  重色轻友  所带给我的伤害  搞得我自己人不像人  鬼不像鬼  如今  我也放弃了她  因为真的不可原谅  已到了我的极限

所以这一次对我的打击实在太大  由于到了考试期间  我只能快点振作起来
不然我知道我一定会后悔当初为了她而伤心  搞得自己连书都读不了
那又何苦？

如果有一天  你看到了这片心声  我还是会一样的欢迎你来找我
因为我知道我们之间的友情  不可能就因为某事而中断
我的无知  带给你不少的伤害  我再次跟你道歉  虽然没有面对面的那份诚意
但是  我还是希望你会接受它

友谊永固

是时候该放手了吧？还是继续磨练自己？

最近  我有个朋友的心情不是很好  

某些时候  我会被她骂了一顿  

我明白是我的错  

但是  那的确还是会让我受伤  

我并不介意让她来发泄在我身上  

或许我的想法是  

如果今天没有了她  就不会有进步的我

我不明白的  她都一一为我解答

虽然不是每件事  但至少我已学到了我该知道的东西

昨天  我约了她  可是我却迟到了

当时的她  真的把我给吓坏了  

没人知道我吓得眼泪都在眼眶里打滚

到最后  眼泪还是没留下来

因为  我不会让他们看到我流泪的样子

我明白他的愤怒  一半是为了我

但是  我不会怪她 

始终  这样的她  反而可以让我学习到更多的东西  算是磨练自己吧

我明白进入社会了以后  还有他人更严厉过她  更要求完美过她

我从不后悔认识了他这一位好朋友

我非常尊敬她  但  有时候  有些事情耽搁了  就搞得不尊敬她了

其实  我也不想的  可是还能怎样呢？

一切都是自己犯的错  

有时候  当他没心情  我会很担心

很担心是不是因为我又犯了什么错  而让他那么没心情

就比如昨天的事情

我并不是很了解他的脑袋在想些什么

但是  我知错了  永远都不会再发生第二次

他的人为  我还算是了解  并不是100%

有一件事  是我永远都不知道怎么面对的事

当她没心情的时候  我不会去烦她

但我希望他可以很快就平复她的心情

因为  这就是我最怕她的时候

她并不恐怖  只是有时不知怎么面对所发生在他身上的事情

或许她最需要的还是时间

她说我的人太好  太维护朋友

我知道这样或许会让他们失去学习的机会

但  我一向来要求都会高过我所想象的

连我自己都不敢想

当我以失败了  我就会很堕落

我不放心把事情交给他们做  也是有原因的

我不想做同样的两次工

我希望大家都会明白我的所作所为

或许  会被他人认为我是笨的  拿苦来自己受

为了达到自己的要求  什么事情都会做的出来

即使是在痛苦也好  还是会照做

会被认为是自残  但是 如果好事达到了自己所要的目标  那还有什么办法？

我想了好久好久  陆陆续续都发生同样的问题

他对我的要求到底是高？还是我自己太笨了？

当我达不到她的要求  我会很内疚  辜负了她对我的期望

可能是我自己一厢情愿  把她对我的要求是一种训练来磨练自己

最后我还是要说  谢谢你让我在这里遇见了你

你永远是我敬佩的人  也是我人生的目标

Stress!

Midnight, 2.23a.m.

I sleep late in Kuching =.=" I wonder why. 

Anyway, yesterday night I've made a cake. It was my first cake in my life, but seems like not really well-done in it. I will get improve some time later. Perhaps will upload the photos IF I succeed make it. xD 

I'm worry about my test after one week of the Chinese New Year. How liao?????? lol. I need motivator and supporter >.<" God, safe me. Thanks first.

Goodnight~

Home Sweet Home

26th of Jan, Rainy day

I was at my hometown now, which is Kuching. Today is the day I back home. Once I arrived Kuching's airport, my parents brought me to shopping at Boulevard after have dinner at King Center. Anyway, I didn't take my dinner tonight as I have no appetite at all. I think is due to lack of SNOW ICE in my belly. =( Too bad, I lost the opportunity to go and have snow with her. But it's alright, I must have it once I back to Sibu again. ^^

I bought a short pant for my Chinese New Year. I hope that I won't getting fatter again as I couldn't and difficult to find my size =.=" I don't like to keep fit, I like to eat as much as I can. Food is the only thing that can make me survive in this world. xDDD lol. But, I starve for a night already. What to do. I NEED FOOD! =.="

I miss my friends at Sibu. >.<" Wish to be with them always...Huhuhu~

I'm Still A Beginner

25th of January, Sunny

Today, I almost corrupt my life. As I keep on thinking my troubles in my mind. When can I stop thinking those idiot? Anyway, thanks God safes me and give me a little bright day today~

We have a chat in the afternoon, after that have a lunch together. I felt so glad that she will correct my mistake whenever I'm wrong in whatever matters. Words that I used, said and the things that I do. I knew that lots of people don't like to let people criticize them, but what to do. This is how we learn from mistake and we will be more caution next time. Thanks to her. =) Her advice, I will bear in mind forever...

Tonight, we might have a feast for the coming CNY...I'm so excited about it. And I hope that we all will be happy around tonight. Can I say 不醉不归？Haha... Anyway, goodluck for today ^^

A Little Bright Light Appeared In Today

24th of Jan, Cloudy

Today, I met Mr. Lau to discuss about the T shirt for the BM Club. He gave me lots of opinions. But, I can feel that he kinda likes red colour. Since the day we have been chosen as the committees of the club, he started to mention about the T can be red in colour and bla~ The T shirt design has making me headache for 2 days. I tried my best to make it better and better. Since I know that I'm trying to find trouble for myself =.=" A lot of complains come from one of the committee. But, what to do? Gah...Just don't bother xDD. Anyway, After this design, I won't touch the things that related to BM Club anymore since not everyone is soooo appreciate my thing. Then what we I have been so hardworking and put so much effort on it? RUGI!!! 2 people have given me advice.
"Since no people appreciate you don't diao them la? So kind do what? Design got gaji meh? Always remember what I tell you, don't do things for free if they don't appreciate" 
"U say, U want, U take it, U dun like, then diam, do urself..U no rugi oso.. Save ur time sleep better" 
"It's hard to do anything if the club isn't cooperating. This is teamwork."
After I received these messages, I think twice. True also. Life should be like this. If people don't appreciate, what for you do for them with all your effort wasting your energy again? So, and now, I'll learn to be smarter next time. =)

Beside, this morning. I saw you.You're still not really in mood. This is what I think and I knew what reason make you do so. I'm trying to bear not to think about your face with the moody look. Finally I started text you,  we have a nice chatting after that. I felt so happy at least you're still in mood in text, LOL.Anyway, I don't wish to have any conflict between friend as I can't sleep well in the night. So I will treasure every friends that beside me and ever supported me =) Thanks

Friendship is IMPORTANT!

I Met You In My Life

New post and first post in January.

Last year in the 1st semester, I met you. You got a murderous look in the first sight I saw you. I kept on wondering what were you thinking usually and why would you show that kind of emotion. Since that, I made up my mind to know more about you and feel what kind of character you're playing.

Few months later, I did it. I did know you much better than others. I felt so pleasure to be one of your close friends. I'm so glad that to be together with you as I could learn and gain lots of things from you. I felt that I'm so lucky to meet such independent and full of knowledge in her mind. I'm kinda admire on her life. The lives that you went through in these years. For me, I might think that you're really perfect. Somehow, you might not think so. So? Urgh...You're still perfect for me...>.<" I wish to have the knowledge and experiences that you went through for so many years as well. Owing this might help me to become more independent in myself and would not rely on others anymore.

I do concern you much than I ever had. This is what I'm wondering for. Why? I don't know. Because I treat you as my best friend? How about sister? LOL....Yea..Indeed. I do. I don't have sister at home, but only an eldest brother. He doesn't talk much with me neither at home nor here. So I can treat anyone that I care very much. Who treat me good, I will be treat that person good as well as two times of it. So, this is me! Don't ever think that I'm a les or whatever. But, this is real of me. I couldn't change this kind of characteristic. This kind of characteristic followed me for 18 years since I was born. What to do.

But recently, it seems like something happened between us and feels like estrange from you. It's due to your personal problems or I'm the one who thinking to much? This question would struggle me for how long? No one knows. The most I scare is, the misunderstanding between us and make us couldn't be together like the feeling previously that we ever had. Since I know you got a case that kinda same as the case like now we're facing. But, I'm just treat you as best best friend that I ever had in my life. T.T You gave me motivation and taught me everything that I don't know. Am I naive? or stupid?

Give me some time not to rely and depend on you anymore. =(

SUSPEND...